In a couple weeks I'll know if I get into the Spanish program here at IU. Even though I'm already into my second semester in the library program, I've only been able to afford to go half-time, and I'm amassing incredible debt with each semester. The Spanish program would be entirely funded since I'd be an associate instructor, teaching undergraduate courses. Additionally I would receive an annual stipend--enough to live off of. But I'm afraid that it is very likely that I will not get into the program because of my GRE scores: they are very low. And while the scores are completely bogus, the acceptance committee won't know that I took the test after being up all the night before with a terrible bout of diarrhea. Nor will it matter that I haven't been able to afford to take the test again. Hopefully they will consider the other materials in my application. This is the reason why I haven't even continued with grad school--why seven years have passed without me moving forward with the goal of becoming a professor. Some doors are locked and just can't be opened no matter how passionately you beat on them.